So as I sit here at Phoenix SkyHarbor, waiting for my flight, I’m very, very happy that I was able to come out for my brother’s graduation. It’s always interesting to see my family – especially since I’m honestly not as close as I could be with them. Although I’ve made some progress over the last few years, it’s still always a gap that has to be bridged whenever I see them – but again, it’s getting better. Not that anything ever happened, I just went off and did my own thing for such a long time. And while it stings me that I cannot get back that lost time with them – times that I simply missed out on because I was just more interested in my friends and other people who don’t really matter. Still, I’d like to think that my relationship with them is improving.
I have to warn all of you, I’m on this big kick of being ‘present’ and not so much living in the future or the past (I never really did the past thing, but the future? It’s a favorite place I like to hangout in.) This weekend I did try to be more present with everyone and less… thinking about what I was going to do next, or when I get back or just.. thinking about other things while I was spending time with someone – such as my brother, or my sister, or my parents. For me at least, it was probably one of my best trips and time spent with my family in a long time.
And while my life is continuing to get busy and full with everything and Leah, it’s still always in the back of my mind that I need to make the effort, to call, to write, to spend time with them – and help them spend time with me. Because obviously, even though all of a sudden I’m making the effort, they’re not used to making the effort to hangout with me – simply because we’re all out of practice. And even though we’re on opposite sides of the country, I am glad that I am probably much more connected to them now, than when I lived across town. The significant distance makes everything hard to take for granted.
And although I don’t have a picture of my mom posted, over the last few years I know that we have both opened up to each other considerably. As hard and stubborn as we both are, it was once difficult – like it is between so many people – but these days, I accept and feel the love that she has for me – not that it wasn’t always there – but you know what I mean. So. Today I fly back to Atlanta and it’ll be good to be back with Leah and One-Two and Three-Four, I’ve missed them and while it was great to be here, everyone has missed Leah and wished that she would have come.