Wednesday by Leah: One Year

This weekend, BabyRoX is turning one. Wow. Did it go by fast? Yes and no. Those hazy newborn days seem SO far away, especially when I see my brand-new niece and how tiny and helpless she seems. And it’s crazy to think about a time when Jonah – since he’s not so much a baby anymore, I guess I’ll start using his real name – wasn’t a part of our lives. But at the same time, I’m shocked at how quickly we got here. The bouncing, grinning, trying-to-talk boy who blows raspberries on my cheeks and tummy, who loves eating broccoli and olives and lentil soup, who pulls on kitty tails and scales stairs at lightening speed… not so very long ago he could barely hold up his head. He slept A LOT. He nursed A LOT. He was my Zen baby. He taught me how to slow down. And now he’s teaching me how to speed up again.

This past year has been filled with more joy and love than I could have anticipated. It’s been a time to trust my intuition, to gain confidence as a mother, to get to know this precious being who joined our family. To learn from him. To learn how to teach him. To be fully present and savor the time that I knew would go by too fast.

And as we prepare to celebrate his first year of life, the sadness at the end of the baby era is fading – a little bit of that will always be there, because I do so love the baby stage – but I am eagerly looking ahead to this next year. To all the firsts – walking, talking, going to Disney World, cooking and making art and taking nature walks. More hugs and kisses. More singing and dancing. More laughter and yes, more tears. To getting to know Jonah even better as more and more of his personality comes out. I can’t wait to hear his thoughts, his take on the world.

I watch my sister with her sweet little girl, and I am so excited for her to go through this journey, too. For however difficult those first days and weeks might be, the joy and love is so much more – so worth the sleepless nights, the marathon nursing sessions, the stress and worry that come with being responsible for a tiny baby you love with all your might 24/7. It’s a HUGE transformation, becoming a mom. I can’t fully express how huge. I am more of myself because of Jonah. I am more aware, more compassionate, more present, and more self-ish, because I want him to have the best version of me. I have to take care of myself to be in the best space, physically and mentally and emotionally and spiritually to be the mom I want to be for Jonah. And I have to be gentle with myself, and oh-so-forgiving, because I’m not the best version of myself 24/7. And that’s ok, too.

So many adventures ahead! This past year has been the very start of an amazing journey. Happy One Year, Jonah. You fill our lives with light and love. Smiles and hugs and kisses and raspberries! And let there be cake!