I’ve been struggling lately.

I love what I do. All of it. I really really do. Every shoot.

There are some that I love a whole lot, and some I love a little less. But there’s nothing else I’d ever rather be doing.

That being said, I’m really starting to miss the way I used to work. the way I used to shoot. for me. just me. not for a client. not for a paycheck. not for a blog post. but because there’s an image in my head and the only way to get it out of there is to make it happen.

Ever since I was an intern last March (it’s been almost a year already!), I’ve done events and portraits almost exclusively. Which is awesome! Really really really awesome, because I hadn’t done much of that prior to the internship, and I loved challenging myself and shooting outside of my comfort zone. And that’s why I learned so much.

But that’s not what made me fall in love with photography.

I love the personal projects. The ones where I’m with my camera for hours and hours and I pour as much as I want into each photo. The photos that will tell you exactly what I want to tell you without me having to write a single word. The shoots where I can experiment as much as I want and get as weird as I want without worrying. The shoots where I’m not aiming for a “pretty” picture or a flattering picture, but an honest one. a meaningful one.

It’s really important for me to work on personal projects from time to time. Making images like these is what keeps me sane. It’s what keeps me creative. It’s what keeps me interested. It’s what allows me to keep falling in love with what I do. Because you should already know how much I love to experiment. How I like to push boundaries. I’ve already told you I tear up my photos just to sew them back together. I paint on them. Draw on them. Write on them.

And I haven’t done any of that in a while. But I really want to. So I’m challenging myself.

For every shoot I do for someone else or of someone else, I’ll also do a personal project for myself. And I’ll fall in love with my photography all over again every. single. day.