I feel like a broken record. Because after every wedding, we come back and think to ourselves – wow, we’re so very fortunate that our clients are always exactly the type of clients we want to work with. Whether they’re getting married in Savannah, Georgia or Valparaiso, Indiana, or Boston, Massachusetts – we always have a great time and working as hard as we do doesn’t feel like a chore because we want our clients to not only have great photos – but to have a great wedding experience.

Leah and I flew into Boston on Wednesday and finally met Shona & Michael in person for the first time over drinks in East Boston. We’re grateful that couples continue to take a chance on us and fly us out for their weddings – and we make it a point to at least fly in the day before if not earlier – so we can all meet in person before the actual day of the wedding. Of course it can be hectic for the bride & groom during that week leading up to the actual day. Fortunately, Leah and I have a knack for blending in and making people comfortable around us – and I write that not to say we’re great – but it’s definitely something we want to get across to our interns and their own dealings with clients.

Because if someone is going to fly you thousands of miles to spend 12 hours with them on one of their most important days – then you better be someone that they like and want to be around. Of course – it’s way easier if you’re not acting and you actually enjoy everything about photographing weddings. The meeting new people, the pressure to get beautiful photos, and some of the stress when things don’t go exactly according to plan (you shouldn’t plan too strictly anyways), or when the light isn’t ideal (whatever that is).

Every wedding is different for us – and while every wedding photographer will say the exact same thing – we say it because we aim for different photos every time. We aim to capture not only the usual events and emotion of the day – but the atmosphere. A wedding in Savannah, Georgia should look and feel different from a wedding in Valparaiso, Indiana – and that should look and feel different from a wedding in Boston, Mass.

A wedding today should look and feel different from tomorrow’s wedding, or next week’s wedding. Whether they’re a block a part or in the same venue.

I know. That’s probably a ridiculously high standard to aim for – but why would anyone aim for less than that?

Did I mention how cool Shona & Michael are?

Among his many interests – Michael is also a photographer – so the wedding was actually scheduled for sunset at around 7:15 pm. Obviously some of these photos were shot before the actual ceremony – but the sun is still pretty low, and with no trees or buildings to block the horizon – it was interesting to shoot with such a wide open sky, and with the sun blazing over the bay.

Thank you Shona & Michael.

LeahAndMark.com | Atlanta | Boston | Wedding Photographers | Hyatt Harborside Logan Airport

Leah’s birthday was last week and we had a party These are screen captures taken right after we played pinata baseball.

In case it’s not obvious – Leah and I are practicing our AsianPoses and that’s our Intern Ashley there beside us. Clearly, she hasn’t been studying her AsianPoses.com. That’s okay though, it’s not for everyone.

We’re flying up to Boston this week to photograph a wedding, see some of the city, and then also driving up to Mt. Holyoke – where Leah went to undergrad. I’ve never been anywhere near New England so it’ll be fun for me – of course, it’s always fun for us since we really like traveling. That’s probably a good thing considering how much flying around we’re going to be doing in the next year.

We’re booked up and down the east coast, and we’re opening things up to the Southwest in a few weeks so that should be fun.

Along with all of the domestic travel – we’re now making plans for a trip to India & Nepal – with the initial idea to land in Mumbai, go over land to Varanasi, and then make our way over to Nepal  (ha – of course, this has changed a lot over the past year).

Also – we just made another batch of loans to third world business owners through Kiva.org, for a total of 153 loans funded through proceeds from our photography services.

If you’re not our friends on Facebook already – add me. We don’t have a fan page because we don’t want fans; we want friends. We have a lot of projects in the works including more photography how-to (with point-n-shoots!) and then a project called PhotoPop! involving roughly 15 nonprofits and us as photographers. Oh – we’re bringing in the Intern Army for that one.

Talk to you soon.

While Leah and I were in Indiana this past weekend – our Interns handled the Portrait Booth at the High Museum for the grand opening of the Salvador Dali exhibit. Aside from the fact that hey – it’s the High Museum of Art! – it was also really cool that we could count on our Interns to not only do an okay job – but to do a GREAT JOB. Alumni Intern Paralee was head photographer and brought along Alumni Intern Vania, and then also New Interns Christy and Robby.

We talk a lot about how we really want our interns to get a lot of experience shooting a variety of subject matter, and generally just being better photographers all around – so honestly, it was really nice to be able to count on Paralee to do a good job for us. Especially considering the fact that our Portrait booths aren’t exactly simple.

You can tell that we use a white backdrop, but we wash it out as much as we can so that it’s mostly just a clean white background – and you don’t see the ‘fabric’ as much, but then we also use four (4) speedlights strategically placed for shadows and some dynamic lighting to make things more interesting. We don’t want flat light. We want shadows. We want depth. We want cool photos that you won’t get from anyone with a portrait booth setup. And we know you won’t get photos like these from anyone else, because honestly no one else works as hard as we do at Light. You’ve seen other photobooth photos and they might have one, maybe two light sources at best – and they’re always just throwing flat light at the subjects.

And when you consider that Paralee and the team ran through roughly 160 ‘sessions’ in about 4 hours – that’s a lot of variation in compositions, and light, and well – it just takes a lot of energy to shoot at that pace over that length of time. Setting up your lights for the most flexibility is crucial. We make our interns learn how to shoot on full manual – so knowing how to adjust for various conditions is pretty important – on top of just directing that volume of people to keep the line flowing, while also getting great photos.

We can’t express how proud we are of Paralee for leading this job.

And although we want our internship to always be a free training course – we don’t expect anyone to take on a job like this just because they’re our intern, or as a free favor. Since we know what it takes to shoot something like this, at that pace, for that long – Paralee was compensated the full amount for the job, directly from the High Museum. Have you noticed how our photography internship isn’t like any other internship out there?

For us, being able to teach someone who didn’t go to photography school on how to handle a job a like this after a short 3 month internship – I think that’s something we can be proud of – especially since we’re teaching our interns to not be button pushers, but quality photographers who know what they’re doing, whether it’s natural light or off-camera flash.

Obviously these photos aren’t all technically ‘perfect’ – but hey, two minutes per group remember? Just think what the photos would look like if they had a whopping five minutes to spend per group! ha.

In case you’re new to us here at LeahAndMark.com – we recently took on a new batch of 15 interns. This week we’re holding our Lighting 101 class and then next month we’ll have our Photography Business/Marketing class. We teach the photography marketing class because we think that most photography schools don’t do a good job of teaching their students how to get business, and survive as working photographers. How many art school graduates do you know that aren’t using their art/photography degrees to do what they want? And instead they’re working at office day jobs, or whatever job they can get?

We want our photography interns to succeed at whatever level they feel comfortable, and teaching them how to market themselves as photographers is part of that.

Click Here For the Entire Gallery.

And check out Paralee’s Photography Website Here.

Thank you.

LeahAndMark.com | High Museum | Surreal Soiree | Salvador Dali | Photos

From the very beginning, Leah and I set out to attract clients that we like working with. We share a lot of ourselves online – and one of the main reasons is so that clients get a feeling of who we are as people – and not simply photographers. We tell our Interns that you shouldn’t try to compete on photos alone, or by simply charging the lowest rates.

Once you feel like your photos are up to par, you should compete by attracting clients who get what you’re all about.

Heather found us through our write up on Offbeat Bride – and never looked back. Nevermind the fact that at the time we had only photographed two weddings, had been in business for about 6 months, AND the part where she lives in the small town of Valparaiso, Indiana (Valpo!) and we live in Atlanta, Georgia. Over the past year we’ve been able to build this business with lots of help from many people who simply took a leap of faith to hire us.

Heather was not only our first out-of-town booking, but our first out-of-state booking. Every wedding photographer says they’re ‘available for travel’ – but making that leap from local weddings to being flown out of state can be elusive. We weren’t expecting to book so many weddings up and down the east coast, but once Heather hired us – it’s like the dam broke and all of a sudden we were booked for Massachusetts, Florida, Tennessee, Alabama, Illinois, North Carolina, and more…

Our time with Heather & Glynn was also a little different because we actually stayed with Heather & Glynn at their house. I know. Who does that?

I blame it on my being a bit naive at first – and offering to save them some money by giving them the option of boarding us instead of paying for our hotel room. Hey – if you’ve ever been backpacking in a foreign country and made friends with people who invited you into their home, this doesn’t seem so strange. Except we’re in America and Americans have a very difficult time accepting such behavior from relatively complete strangers.

So after realizing what I had done, we decided to just trust that Heather & Glynn were the type of clients that we wanted, and everything would be great.

And they were, and it was.

After Heather booked us, I decided that from then on it was probably better to just always stay in a hotel instead of with the family. So I knew this trip would definitely be unique – and we would be spending much more time than usual with the bride and groom and their family. So of course, we photographed everything.

And hey – did you know that Leah’s pretty great at wrapping ribbon around the bouquet stems? See?!

And babysitting!

Yeah. We’re kind of all purpose photographers. Need help planning out your ceremony? Check. Need help with the ceremony seating layout? Check. (Of course, we’re partly responsible for the ‘theater-in-the-round’ setup for their ceremony as you will see later when the official photos get posted. Hey, Leah and I both did theater alright?!)

This window areas is in their home! And hey – you know about us + light.

Thank you.

LeahAndMark.com | Atlanta Photographers | Travel. Indiana. Weddings.

It’s kind of been a long week – and it’s not even really over yet. The last four days turned out to be much more work than I had anticipated it being. When I originally came up with the idea of a ‘week of photoshoots to celebrate our new studio, and my new career’ – I didn’t realize how many other things I had planned at the same time.

I decided to try out some stuff that I’ve never done before – in this case, composite photos where I put several photos together to make one. And it was interesting to go from the first shot (just above with Adam a jumping blur) to the final product – with Adam in flight – and Robby no longer holding the cooler from which Adam is launching.

Or revisiting the idea the next day with a larger cast of characters.

I can’t thank Adam enough for putting up with the number of ‘jump takes’ I made him do.

Now – finding models can be difficult – and finding dependable models that show up + are good to work with can be extra difficult sometimes (especially at the free rates that we pay). Somehow – we had 2 or more models all four days. Of course – Intern Debra played a big role in rounding up willing participants.

However – it was also nice to have Leah’s sister come in and be a Princess for a night.

This is my attempt at trying to make a ‘different’ shot of the Princess. All of the Interns seem to have made bright, ‘Princess’ like photos.  So with this – I went the opposite way. Without physically tearing her down – the shadows do all of my work – the black sockets where bright eyes should go, the deep shadows filling the right side of the frame – and the smile comes off as sarcastic or demented in this context of dark shadows. Heck – even the extremely wrinkled backdrop adds to the effect of an ‘ideal’ scene turned wrong.

It was definitely nice to be working with other photographers everyday.

Over the last two days, with less Interns to manage, I started actually shooting. The first two days I was primarily concerned with setting up a specific shot, and then demonstrating how to ‘make’ it for the Interns. After Tuesday night’s session, on Wednesday morning I just felt like shooting on my own.

I still helped out Debra and Ally – and fortunately they were content to just keep shooting on their own and asking for help only when they really got stuck or had a question. So I worked with Jamie for a little while.

Just some quick shots using both natural light and off camera flash.

And then of course we setup a final shot:

Natural light or off-camera flash? Which to use? Both.  Of course – I do wish that I had some color gels to match light temperatures.

Yesterday, Valorie showed up.

After all of the off-camera flash work with the Interns, I was ready to use only natural light for a little while – and that’s when we learned that hey, your hands can be reflectors too.

Seriously, all of the light you see on her face is being bounced off of her hands.

Have I mentioned how much I like this window? Oh yes I do.

This is Arya. (Like Mariah – except without the ‘M’). She helped us out on Tuesday night, modeling for the Army of Interns.

Somehow we convinced her to come back – so I made sure that I got some different photos of her.

That was my week.

Let’s go.

I learned things a little backwards. First I learned how to light things with off-camera flash, then I learned how to handle natural light a little better. (As opposed to you know, learning how to shoot with ‘natural light’ and then adding flashes and stuff.) So unless I’m forced to use available light, I’ll almost always try to add some light into my photos with some off camera flash.

The above shot was made with only available light – mostly from the skylight in our studio space (yes! Our studio space has skylights!) It looks like the light was totally manageable in the above shot – but that’s after some adjusting of the brightness/contrast stuff. We generally don’t tether our cameras to a laptop, so on set we’re relying on the back of our screens to tell us how we’re doing. Of course – when it gets dicey, you can’t only rely on your picture display – you have to take a look at your histogram. The problem is that even then it’s a little tricky and you really just need to have a good understanding of what you can do in editing, depending on what is on your histogram.

The fact is – you want to do as much work possible while taking the photo – and not all in editing. At least that’s what we prefer to do because if it’s close to great in camera – it’ll be much easier and less work once we get it onto our computer screens.

In conclusion – I thought that with only natural light, the shadows would be too dark, and the lit areas were too bright. So I added some light.

Obviously, that’s a lot of light – but in camera you can tone down how bright the lights really are. I wanted to light the space up a little more, but still show the beam of sunlight shining down on them.

I thought I was done with the above photo, but then I started wondering what it looked like with only the sun light. So I went back and took a look at some shots where the flashes didn’t fire because they were still recycling.

The shot above is only using natural light. With a few fixes and adjustments, it mostly works. What I was most worried about was having Kendell’s eyes just be complete black holes in his head sitting there in the middle – and yeah, that’s what they kind of are.

So I re-edited the ‘lit’ photo to be a little darker… and that’s the shot below.

And then I got kind of crazy thinking about which one I liked, the different qualities of light in each and then I had to stop. Because you can edit and adjust these things 476 different ways and it all comes down to preference and what story you’re trying to tell. It doesn’t necessarily have to be all dark and shadowy. I kind of like all three of the edits – but that’s because you have to look at them as three different photos. That’s why light in your photographs is so important – it changes everything.

We’re flying up to Indiana tomorrow to photograph a wedding.

See you soon.

The picture above was the scene last night. Couple of things – I’m not used to so many Interns showing up for the group shoots. Usually it’s around 5 or 6. So when 10 showed up – I had to adjust a little. I also need to work on getting setup a little quicker, or you know, teaching them how to set (imagine that, yeah, I should get to teaching them that).

I suppose that’s what our Lighting 101 class will be about in a few weeks.

Here’s the thing I’ve come to realize over the past week. I’m having to learn a lot of stuff that I wouldn’t ever need to learn if I was only working with one or two other people. Managing (trying) 10 other photographers, rotating them, giving some direction, answering questions, adjusting lights, throwing ideas at them – it’s all kind of hectic in my head but there’s usually a point in the night where things just… flow. Bounce from here to there, say this, ask that, suggest this – and then setup a shot again.

I’m working on scheduling smaller groups (6 instead of 10) and that should take care of most of the timing issues.

This week we’re just re-working a few ideas so that everyone gets a chance to play with the lights a little more and also start shooting differently than they have been before. (how’s that for a run on sentence?)

You may have noticed – I’m a big fan of shooting wide and getting a shot of the entire Scene. Most beginning photographers prefer to only take pictures of their subjects up close, and capturing faces, or body positions. That’s fine but we’re trying to really get away from what’s comfortable.

Hey! Check out this video.

Another thing I’ve noticed is how much we don’t use props in our photos. Of course – I also rarely use hair/makeup people – but I realized last night that I just… don’t care about those things. I mean, I do care about them when they’re really needed, but in general – no.

I’ve spent most of the past year just using Light as a prop, or the main focus other than the subjects.

For us, it’s a formula of Light + People = Photos we like.

But you only really notice light when you can see the darkness – so we try to have varying degrees of darkness in our photos – to give them some depth. Because like we’ve said before, we don’t want our subjects to carry all of the weight in making a photograph interesting to look at.

See you tomorrow.

These photos are by Intern Debra. The shots are her concepts, and then I just helped with the lighting and a little bit of directing the models. In the photo above – during our test shots we noticed Sarah’s shadow on the wall and thought that was interesting. Then we had Adam jump. With the way we had the lights setup at first, that shadow on the right wall wasn’t there. But we decided that if we were going to show the wall on the right – then we should put something there. A jumping shadow was perfect.

Adam was a good sport – we made him jump – A LOT.

Watch the video below and check out Debra’s post on the session.

This session took place yesterday – and we’re holding more shoots tonight, tomorrow, and Thursday. Check back here tomorrow for more video + final shots from me and the Interns.

Thanks.

(test shot for lighting)

This is our first full week with the fifteen new interns + our new studio space. Not only that, but in case you haven’t heard, last Wednesday was my final day working at my office day job. So I’m full time photography now. In sort of celebration of that – we’re going on a shooting spree.

Everyday this week, we’re going to be photographing in our studio, and around historic Roswell – and then posting our results that same day (or you know, early the next morning) (oh – except Friday because Leah and I are flying out to Indiana to photograph a wedding.)

Here’s todays shoot with Interns Debra, Kristen, and Robby on hand. The best thing about having time and space to work on this stuff – is simply being able to try out new shots that you couldn’t before, and working ideas out.

See you tomorrow.

We’re very Tired. Last night was awesome. After an exciting intern application process – we finally met all of our 15 (FIFTEEN!) new interns! We also invited our Alumni Interns to come along because we wanted to acknowledge their hard work, progress – and generally putting up with me (Mark).

This is a short clip shot by our friend Mark Hubbard. He’s the executive director of Renew Social Ventures (where we’re the Photographers in Residence):

• renew is a nonprofit collaborative space in the heart of historic Roswell, Georgia. Our mission is to spark, support and incubate Social Ventures and Nonprofits that are tackling the societal, ecological, economic and cultural challenges we face today.
• renew provides the creative and engaging environments needed for Social Ventures and Nonprofits to form deep connections with each other and with their communities.
• renew organizes and hosts regular programming focused on addressing social challenges and encouraging social innovation (i.e., new ideas to resolve existing social, cultural, economic and environmental challenges for the benefit of people and the planet).
• renew is also a community cultural center devoted to supporting and encouraging the visual and performing arts in Roswell and the greater Atlanta metro area.

If you’ve noticed anything about Leah and Me – it’s that we’ve been coming up with ideas that we joke about, and then they somehow end up becoming reality. Like taking a trip to China for a month AND getting paid for it. Done. (I ‘telecommuted’ and did my job for a month from China – and Leah somehow got enough vacation time). Or taking on 10 Interns. And now fifteen. Oh. And how about a low cost studio space? Did you see the video? Do you notice how HUGE that studio space is? There is no way that we could’ve afforded it if it wasn’t for Mark Hubbard and RenewSV.

• renew Memberships are $400/month for unlimited use by up to two Member employees – additional employees may be added for a fee.  We also offer $200/month Grassroots and Partner Memberships.

Yeah. It’s awesome. Find out more information here.

It was a very exciting evening. So many new faces, so much talent, and you could feel how nervous they all were to start working and shooting. It’s kind of tradition now that all First Intern Events must basically consists of pushing them out there to just shoot and sort of ‘jolt’ them out of their comfortable shooting habits. Here’s one flash. Here’s two. These are your starter settings. Start shooting. Start directing the model.

Then we walk around and help out for adjustments, but the Interns just have to start shooting and making mistakes so we can get past them and eventually get to the really good stuff. We’re not trying to avoid mistakes or bad shots, we’re trying to specifically work through them. Getting  a perfect shot isn’t worth much if you can’t do it again.

This group of New Interns mostly live in the Metro-Atlanta area, but some live further out and are actually in Atlanta specifically for this internship. We have people commuting from as far out as Carrollton, Ga. – and that’s crazy in itself. However Tristan lives in North Carolina and will be driving down every two weeks (per the requirements) – and Kristen lives in Orlando, FL. but will be here in Atlanta for the three months of the internship.

Leah and I are… overwhelmed by the trust and faith that our Interns have in us – and we’re going to do more than our best to deliver.

I’m still working on getting all of the Intern blogs and the navigation links updated – but until then….

Introducing, our newest Interns (click on their photos to go to their blogs…):

These are our Interns.

During the first year of my social work program, I interned with an amazing agency called the Georgia Justice Project. GJP works with a population that many people might write off, or find undeserving – those who have been convicted of crimes.

Georgia Justice Project is an unlikely mix of lawyers, social workers and a landscape company. We defend people accused of crimes and, win or lose, we stand with our clients while they rebuild their lives. We believe this is the only way to break the cycle of crime and poverty.

GJP doesn’t just help clients through their trial, or probation, or prison sentence. They are there for the long haul, helping clients build job skills, find employment and housing, reach educational goals. They stay in touch with their clients for years, offering support as needed, and building a true sense of connection and community. I had a wonderful internship experience at GJP, so when they asked us to photograph their Back 2 School event this past Saturday, I eagerly agreed. The Back 2 School event is a day for the clients and their families to receive school supplies – backpacks filled with notebook paper, calculators, pens, pencils, etc.

There are specific backpacks for all ages, from infants through college students. But it’s not just a backpack giveaway – it’s a fun festival in the park, with bounce houses, face painting, games, sno cones, and more! There is also health, dental, and housing information for the families. Oh, and the local fire station came out and let the kids play all over the fire truck, honking the horn, talking on the loudspeaker, etc.

This event wasn’t about giving items to the “needy”. It was a day for fun and celebration, a day for families to come together and, for at least a few hours, let go of the stress and the stigma they face in their day-to-day lives.

Most of these photos were shot in our first four months of shooting. They represent some of our favorites, and they’re still in our posted Portfolio. More than just showing you how far we’ve come since we began – they also represent the chances that people took on us from the very beginning.

It’s hard starting out as a photographer. We know because we’re still starting out. But for some reason, people have consistently taken a chance on us and hired us to photograph some of the most important moments in their lives. When a family asks you – no – pays you to enter their home and photograph their newborn baby, you can’t help but feel honored. It goes without saying that we appreciate all of our clients, and if we were ever unable to deliver a quality set of photos, we’d give them back ALL of their money.

This is what I wrote after my first wedding (Kind of foolishly, I did it without ever having any wedding experience except my own wedding):

Word of Advice: If you’ve never shot a wedding before – if you’ve never even been the second shooter assisting the main wedding photographer – don’t sign up to shoot a wedding. Nevermind the difficulty level. Nevermind that it’s not like any other event you’ve shot. The fact is that it’s just too important for you to think that you’re that good enough of an amateur photographer and you can shoot anything.

Especially if you want to do anything close to a reasonably decent job – and by decent I mean that all of your shots need to look like something that no one else at the wedding could’ve gotten. There is a reason you’re being paid, and that reason is because YOU are supposed to get the shots that NO ONE ELSE can get. Your shots need to look 100% better than anything anyone else with their point and shoot cameras could possibly shoot. I mean it. This isn’t the time to be a notch above the crowd. You’re competing with 50 other amateur photographers and if even a single one of them out does you – then you should hand over all of your sorry prints, and tear up the check.

Our relationships with our clients is a serious thing because there are so many other photographers they can choose instead of us.

Having said all of that – we feel the same way about our Interns. Up front we require a lot of commitment. And then we send a second email asking for MORE THAN DOUBLE that level of commitment and work + they have to answer two essay questions. Not only do we want committed and talented photographers, we want good writers. If you’re thinking that we do all of this to ‘weed’ people out – you’re absolutely correct. In case you haven’t noticed, our Photography Internship is different. You have to be much more than a very talented photographer. Are we good enough to require that level of commitment and effort from people?

We don’t make that decision – the Interns decide for themselves if this is worth it – or else they wouldn’t do everything we ask during the application process.

Our Interns represent us. We send them on assignments to cover events, and accompany us on paid gigs. We introduce them to people and put them in positions where they can make some of their own contacts and relationships with clients.  Basically, we try to have them mimic what we’ve been doing all this time.

It’s really that simple.

Selecting this group of Interns was considerably difficult. For some of them this is their second time applying. It was even more difficult for those applicants because we could compare their current work to their work from three months ago. Of course – simply applying again doesn’t guarantee acceptance – as much as we wish we could’ve done that for everyone.

We’ve selected a group of fantastically talented photographers. They come from many different backgrounds, and are at different points in their lives. Some have graduated from art school, and others are working professionals doing the daily 9-5. We have a military wife and mother of two that lives near Ft. Bragg, North Carolina. Per the requirements, she’s agreed to make the 7 hour drive to Atlanta twice a month to work on photoshoots with us and take instruction. We have a very talented high school student in his Junior year, and we also have an NGO staff photographer that has traveled the world photographing third world slums and high ranking government dignitaries.

Our eventual goal isn’t to make profit from some sort of photography training program – there are enough photographers offering weekend “workshops”. Our goal is to earn a living as working photographers and as much as we can make it, this Internship with us will always be free. We’ve also created a repository where we’ll store and share our collective knowledge. Different resources such as the full archive of our weekly emails, and some photoshop .psd files showing how certain photos were edited, will be kept there for reference. All ‘Alumni’ and Current Interns will have access to the forums and hopefully we’ll even have some discussion threads going on.

None of what we do is secret, but not everyone knows all that we do.

This selection process hasn’ t been easy. In fact it was very, very difficult and even then so much of the success of this internship is out of our control.

Look for the official post on Thursday where we introduce all of our New Interns.

Thank you.

We like photographing the Secret Suppers held by our friends BlackTie BBQ. They’re always fun AND we get really, really great food. Not satisfied to hold their secret suppers in normal event spaces – they held their Valentines Day Secret Supper in the unfinished eighth floor of one of the high rises in Atlantic Station. That’s just cool. So when I found out that this time they were serving dinner ON STAGE at Theatrical Outfit – I knew it’d be awesome.

I also suspected that lighting the space for photos would be… like lighting the inside of a black box. Yup. Exactly. Below is a photo of what it looked like with just the available light – except of course in real life it was even more dim, and you know – moody. This shot was taken at f/4.0, ISO 3200 – and a shutter speed of 1/10th. If you don’t know what that means – trust me – you can’t photograph events that way. Everyone will be blurry.

There’s technically enough light in this picture – but like we always ask, ‘Is it the quality of light that you want?’ No. Absolutely not. If we only used the house lights we’d be stuck with far too many badly colored photos with generally flat lighting.

But hey – it’s okay – they hired LeahAndMark.com – and we always bring our own lights.

Now they’re not ‘floating in black space’ like they were before. And you know – now we can do some cool stuff with shadows and where the light hits – stuff you can’t do when you don’t have control and you’re dependent upon the theater tech for lighting. The trick though is to not BLOW OUT the guest with your high powered studio lights. It’s still supposed to be a candle lit dinner ya know? So fully lighting the space isn’t an option – at least if you don’t want to anger the guests. It’s not a wedding and everyone’s not drunk… for most of the dinner!… so you have to be aware of what your lights are doing to the scene and mood.

We had initial difficulties finding the right light setups – and then we were making adjustments all night.

I spent waaaay too much time trying to get this light to go across the curtains like that – and even then, I helped it in Photoshop.

Plus, if you’re having dinner on stage – you want it to look theatrical right? Of course!

What’s cool about BlackTie BBQ is that they’re absolutely great people. In case you haven’t noticed – Leah and I are all about working with great clients that like us, and ones that WE LOVE. Now – we’ve both worked in really rushed and hurried kitchens where when things get crazy, politeness goes out the window and people start snapping at each other. But even at the height of the rush and when attitudes could have easily gone south – all of the BlackTie BBQ staff weren’t just polite to each other – they were genuinely good to each other.

Mistakes happen, plates are dropped, and in other kitchens, we’ve seen attitudes change for the worse – but not with this team. Having worked with BlackTie BBQ several times now and seeing how all of the staff interact with each other, it’s beyond impressive. They’re not a ragtag crew of servers hired for the night. I see the same faces over and over again – and they all do a great job.

You can tell their food is made with the same consideration they give each other.  There’s just something special about it.  Love and goodness and amazing flavors.  We can’t get enough.

“Having spent the last three months working with us – what would you like to say about your internship experience with LeahAndMark.com?”

Intern Amé:

Well from the opportunities this internship has provided for me, I have gotten lost in Atlanta for two hours and got into a five hundred dollar fender bender. And yet, I can still say it was worth it.

Honestly, I think I learned the most about getting the best out of your equipment. Though I still feel like I’ve learned loads about shooting. I’ve gained insight about working on location with other photographers. And seen ways to make something that’s truly boring, into art. I feel like more doors are open to me now as well as new angles and perspectives I met new people, saw some amazing set ups, made some friends, and got some great shots. What more can I ask for? And walking away from this, all I can hope is to move forward still and hopefully keep in touch with the friends I’ve made. And maybe even weasel my way into some really great shoots.

I will definitely say I learned a lot about flash lighting. Every shoot Mark sets up strobes. And for the new interns, they now have a studio that they’ll be using. they definitely advertise for us and gave plenty of networking opportunities. You get what you put into it, but I would *definitely* recommend it. I feel like I’ve benefited from the internship.

Plus, they’re both just really cool people. And it was great shooting with them. You’ll have shooting locations you wouldn’t have thought of before. Most of us didn’t have a strobe set up. So he brought enough for us to trade off during our shoots.

“Having spent the last three months working with us – what would you like to say about your internship experience with LeahAndMark.com?”

Intern Brook:

I learned a lot from Leah and Mark. Before I interned I was guilty of just taking pictures of cool stuff and the odds would catch up with me and eventually I would accidentally take a great picture. I knew I had “it” in me to be good, I just didn’t know how. At first I was a little hurt when I would show Mark what I thought was a good photo and he would start to pick it apart. I hadn’t really shown too many people my work until my internship. That was an obstacle I had to over come if I have any future in this business. Eventually, I would try to guess what Mark’s comments might be about my photos and I looked forward to his critique. He really did help me see things in a different way and think outside the box. I didn’t always agree with him and I probably never will but he made me think about what I was doing and how I was shooting.

I would have to say that out of all the elements of photography that Mark helped me improve upon the most, it was composition. He helped me understand what an “epic” photo was. He encouraged me to find a style of shooting that I could relate to.

The areas that I feel I got the least help and really need a lot of guidance would be lighting. I managed to purchase some really great speed lights but I am not 100% confident when using them. I am hoping that since the new studio space is walking distance from my house, we can remedy this problem.

After 3 months, I feel like I can actually make money doing this. Thanks Leah and Mark!

“Having spent the last three months working with us – what would you like to say about your internship experience with LeahAndMark.com?”

Intern Jenna:

Community / Relationships

• It was really nice to get to know a lot of local photographers that were in a similar professional stage. It was nice to share experiences and work with each other – especially on group shoot when we worked with partners or observed how other interns directed.
• I think a very small thing that made a big difference was the investment that Leah and Mark took in each of the intern’s lives – going out to eat before/after a shoot, checking in on what was going on in other aspects of their lives.
• Another little thing that made a big difference is how visible and approachable they are. They are always prompt in answering emails, usually on gchat for immediate questions, available phone / text, visible on facebook. It was really nice to feel like I could find them if I needed to, and they were very good at answering questions.

Education

“Having spent the last three months working with us – what would you like to say about your internship experience with LeahAndMark.com?”

Intern Claire:

Mark initially said he was going to give us a some prompt questions for our review of the internship, but in the end we just got one: “what would you like to say about your experience?” Hmm, where to start? I could tell you that during this internship I learned a lot about off camera lighting, equipment, and light placement. Or that I learned new tools to keep in mind when composing my shots so that they’re better and more interesting. Or that I learned about model directing and posing and what to do if a shoot doesn’t seem to be going my way. I could also tell you that I learned about marketing, advertising, and business strategy. All of those things are technically true; I did learn about all that stuff. But the most important things I’m taking away from this internship are:

A) Increased confidence as a photographer. I used to just think I was a good photographer, and now I know I am. And it’s b/c of the things I’ve learned while working with Leah and Mark that I can say that. They allowed me the opportunity to shoot things that I wouldn’t have shot otherwise (dancers on trampolines for example!) and to shoot in ways that I wouldn’t have otherwise (w/ a lot off camera flashes for example).

B) I’m leaving with a great group of photographer friends, who I know I can call up to help me with a shoot if needed. When I found out there were going to be 10 interns, I was nervous that we were all going to be competing with each other and just generally not get along. One of the things that makes photography so great is that there’s no typical “photographer” mold. We are all very different people and different photographers, but that’s ok b/c we all share a passion for photography and a desire to be better. We all came to learn, and Mark and Leah came to teach. Not sure there’s a better recipe for a successful internship experience than that!

In the short amount of time I’ve been in professional photography, there has been one characteristic that I’ve noticed all the really top notch photographers seem to share: They all give back to the up and coming photographers. Whether it be traveling the country speaking and holding workshops, writing books or newsletters giving away all their secrets, or posting endless amounts of (free!) information on the internet, all the top photographers give back. And I think it’s a great method to follow, and I think it’s awesome that Leah and Mark took on 10 interns! I mean who does that, really?? And not only did they take on 10 interns but they kept us busy, real busy, and were constantly open to our questions and concerns.

It’s hard to quantify exactly what I’ve learned in the past three months, so I hope the above gave some insight into the experience; I know I am in a much better place as a photographer than I was in May, and I definitely owe that to Leah and Mark.

Part of the LeahAndMark.com philosophy is “Show Everyone”, and I think that’s some of the best advice out there; so seriously, if you do nothing else, then just do that, you’ll be a better photographer almost instantly by putting yourself out there!

We require our Interns to blog about their photoshoots. The main reason is because it forces them to take another look at their work – and identify aspects of their progress, habits, and things they’d like to continue working on. This sort of open-self-evaluation is really helpful – especially since we’re not making art only for ourselves. In the end we have to satisfy our clients. I think that’s where a lot of us as paid photographers… tend to just chicken out. The insecurity creeps in and overwhelms us. What if they don’t like my work because it’s too different.

Anyone will tell you that you need to balance your artistic vision with what the client wants – and that’s true – except we aim for an imbalance in our favor. One that leans more towards our artistic vision than solely client expectation. Yes. They hire us for consistency, professionalism, and just flat out being able to get the job done without hassle – or excuses.

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While I wouldn’t say it takes ‘bravery’ to create work that is both commercially viable yet artistically satisfying – it definitely takes a  lot of WORK, and overcoming insecurity. It takes a lot of work to deliver really interesting ‘safe’ shots on a consistent basis. Like a broken record (or scratched CD?) – we tell our interns to not just ‘shoot what’s there’.  Heck – I tell them a lot of things. And since I seem to spew advice to them (wanted or not) – I’ve been thinking about my own work lately.

We’re taking on a new group of interns – and although they’re looking to learn from us – they’re all fantastically talented themselves (I’m speaking of the applicants at this point since we’re still accepting submissions until tomorrow at 12pm Noon.)

Being in this position, I’ve started to wonder about my own abilities. Knowing that we’re going to be working with some already very talented photographers that want to learn from us – it’s very easy to over think things and let that insecurity that we all have as artists, take hold and start clawing away at the bit of confidence we should actively be protecting.

I still get a little nervous before every photoshoot. Until I start shooting, I have no idea how things are going to turn out. But I don’t rely on the photos to save me. I give my insecurities space, just a little. I like feeling nervous, it gets mixed in with excitement and as an artist I really think you need to welcome uncontrolled impulses. Especially since so much of our daily lives are often measured and controlled into a grey middle.

Of course – I give my insecurities space in my head because I also beat them into f*cking submission when it comes time to work. When it comes to insecurity, I literally say to myself “F*ck that, I’m going to make some beautiful photos.”

Whether it’s a wedding, a family portrait, or a Chef Demo at the farmer’s market down the street with Top Chef finalist Kevin Gillespie. You have to go into it believing that you’re going to make beautiful photos.

Leah and I need help. We’re fortunate that our clients not only took an initial chance on us – but that they keep coming back and referring their friends to us. It’s a great problem to have – but we’re busy. Really. Busy. So busy in fact that we’ve decided that we need help. We need a few interns.

Don’t worry – we’ll get to the requirements and qualifications in a little bit.

If you don’t know anything about us – we’re Leah and Mark. This is our Portfolio. We started this photography business a little less than a year ago, and we’ve been going all out ever since. We didn’t start out with expensive gear (and we still don’t have any) – but that’s okay. We’ve had to rely on creativity and hard work – everything else just makes things slightly easier.

If this is the first time you’re hearing of our intern program – then you’ll be interested in watching this video – it’s a slideshow portfolio of some of the photographs they’ve made over the past three months with us.

And you can check out their progress over at their Intern Blogs – and also this Post. Our Interns photographed more in the last three months than they did in the past year. Since becoming an Intern – some of them have increased their number of paying gigs, shot on assignment for Creative Loafing and other publications, and have received much more exposure for their photography in general – nevermind the experience and knowledge they’ve gained.

You should know what’s in it for you. Because if you’re considering working with us, then you should know exactly what you’re gaining – since it’s definitely not money!

Although it’s not really popular these days – we’re ‘generalists’. We don’t specialize in anything and that goes against the current trend of finding your ‘niche’ and specializing in one or two specific types of photography. We run the gamut and we photograph everything from weddings, to parties, to corporate headshots, to family and children portraits, to senior portraits, and even product photography. Without arguing if our photography is actually any good – we can only go on the fact that our clients REALLY like us, they keep coming back, and new ones seem to keep contacting us and asking us to work with them.

We’re very busy and as our intern you will have lots of opportunities to photograph in a wide range of different styles and subject matter.

What we need is for you to have some idea of what you’d like to focus on and learn from us. Some of what we can offer is:

• How to pose subjects, especially strangers – and become confident at it
• How to better handle light – off camera flash and natural
• How to stop taking photos like everyone else (it’s easier than you think)
• Get away from ‘technically’ perfect photos
• Photographers learn by photographing – you’ll photograph a lot with us.
• Stop feeling restricted by the gear you DON’T have

AND MARKETING subjects – because you want to be an actual paid and working photographer right?

• How to be truly different from EVERYONE ELSE who is a ‘Photographer’ these days
• How to hustle and get business
• How to keep clients and get repeat business
• How to charge appropriately and be paid for your services
• Turn ‘good exposure’ jobs into ACTUAL Good Exposure for YOU
• Attend our photography business-marketing class (for Interns only)

AND Even More

• Build the client base that you want
• Find out if you do make photographs like everyone else – so you can stop
• Make friends
• Have fun
• Try crazy ideas because no one’s going to stop you
• Push the boundaries of what your clients think they want – and keep delivering something just a little different
• Be hired as an artist – and not just a button pusher

We also setup group photoshoots where the ratio is roughly 2-3 photographers per model – and sometimes it’s 1 photographer per model. We believe in getting the best position for the best shot – and you can’t do that if there are 20 photographers shooting 3 models in a group session.

That’s what we think we offer and what we think an Intern can learn from us.

Here’s what we’re asking from our Interns:

• You own a DSLR camera
• You have at least a rudimentary understanding of shutter speed and aperture
• You have your own artistic ideas – even if you’re still working on them
• You aren’t afraid to try everything
• You don’t say ‘we can’t do that’
• You are willing to photograph everything during your time with us – even if it’s not your style
• You will read any materials we actually give you to read
• You will be available for at least two (2) five hour photo shoots a month (and possibly more permitting your schedule)
• You have a portfolio to show us – and you’re proud of your current work – no matter what
• You are nice
• You are stubborn
• You want to learn
• You can commit to working with us for 3 months (roughly)
• Possibly accompany us on photo shoots/weddings out of town (on our tab)

Everything we do is based on three principles:

1. Be different
2. Do things that matter
3. Show everyone

If you are interested in being one of our interns – please send an email to Email@LeahAndMark.com with answers to the following questions and a link to your portfolio:

1. What’s your name? (Tell us about yourself)

2. What artists do you like/admire/study ? (do not list photographers)

3. Why do you like our photos? (It’s okay if you don’t like our photos – but it makes no sense for you to work with us if you don’t like our work – we don’t want compliments, we want reasons why you want to work with us based on our photography.)

4. Are you able to commit to the full three month term? (and just so you know – we don’t have any problems with you having a full time job. It’s all about scheduling.)

5. What do you ultimately want to do with your photography?

(Tip: In-depth answers are better – this is an application, not a short answer survey.)

Please understand that this isn’t a judgement on whether or not you are ‘worthy’ – but in the same way you think you’d be a good fit to work with us, we’re trying to come to the same conclusion. We consider much more than your current portfolio since you’ll also be representing us to a large degree, and working with the other interns for some of the time. Personality and attitude is very important.

Deadline for applications is THIS Friday – July 23rd at 12pm noon. You will be contacted on Friday evening at 8pm one way or another, through email. Please be sure to check your junk mail/spam inbox after 8pm on Friday in case you don’t receive a message from us.

Thank you for your time and we hope to hear from you!

Atlanta. Photography. Internship.

When we originally decided to take on a few interns, we didn’t plan on it turning into the big bag of awesome that it eventually became. Wow. Even back when we thought we were only going to have two interns, we knew that it wasn’t going to be your regular ‘just carry our bags’ type of arrangement. They agreed to work with us, and we agreed to not only give them more opportunities to photograph a variety of subject matter, but also to push them and their photography – even if just a little – and more importantly… let them know that we believe in them and their photography. Sometimes you need that more than anything else.

Sometimes life gets in the way – and plans change. We started out with 10 Interns but finished with 8. I’m happy to say that it’s not because of anything terrible or a disagreement – Nadine and Jason just found photography related jobs that they couldn’t pass up – and that’s awesome – and I hope to work with them again sometime soon. But for the 8 that stuck it out and are finishing the 3 month term – it’s quite an accomplishment. They’ve photographed more in these past three months than they did in the year before. They’ve gone on 5am photoshoots, carried our gear, set it up, shot events with me, and generally put up with my crazy-stream-of-consciousness-thought-process. Oh yeah – and they’ve put up with my flood of emails sent at 1 or 4am.

Leah and I want their photography to make progress and grow – but it’s tricky. Because you know what? Great photography is F*cken personal. I know mine is very personal to me – and knowing that, I try to be careful and give some direction without completely changing their vision. The idea isn’t to teach them how to shoot like us, it’s to show them how we shoot, what we’re thinking and then they can add that knowledge and experience to help their own work grow in different ways.

We selected people with a few different backgrounds. A high school student, a single mother of two, an office 9-5 worker, college graduate, college student, elementary school teacher, and more. With so many different schedules, the biggest factor of their progress was simply the amount of hours they put into the photography work. I feel comfortable talking about the hard work aspect – and how much more work it takes to go from a weekend amateur photographer to someone even closely resembling a professional photographer – because hard work was always our biggest advantage, and we’ve done a considerable amount of hard work over the past year since we started this business. Of course, there’s still so much left to do and still learn.

We held a photography business marketing class a few weeks ago for the interns – and we plan on doing it for every group of interns – and only interns. With everyone and their mom claiming to be a photographer these days, it’s even more important to have not only good marketing – but creatively different and effective marketing. Having a Facebook fan page isn’t going to cut it – and in fact, Leah and I don’t have one, and we don’t plan on it. Our marketing class will change and develop with each session because we’re constantly trying to come up with new, different, and outstanding marketing ideas. Again – good marketing is hard work – and combined with some creativity, it’s one of the best things we’ve got going for our business. In the end though, everything we do is based on three principles:

• Be different.
• Do things that matter.
• Show everyone.

This coming Monday, we’re going to start looking for a new batch of interns. We don’t know if we’re going to take on another ten, or five, or fifteen. If you think you’d like to commit to working with us for the next three months, we hope to hear from you.

Thanks.

You might remember seeing Kelsey & Adam from when we posted their engagement session a few weeks ago. Leah & I spent this past weekend in Savannah to photograph their wedding! Since I grew up in California and Arizona – this was my first time in Savannah – and it definitely lived up to its reputation of awesome. The wedding took place at the Dresser Palmer House just off of Forsyth Park, and Leah and I stayed at the Park Avenue Manor just around the corner – and we highly recommend staying there.

The Wedding! The Heat! The Humidity!… and then the Monsoon Rain! The weather participated nicely. It didn’t downpour until after the ceremony and everyone was inside full of food and drinks. Outdoor July wedding in Savannah?! No. Problem.

It. Was. Awesome.

Here are the preview photos. Congratulations Kelsey & Adam!

Atlanta. Savannah. Georgia. Wedding. Photographer.

Check out the Gallery Here.

“SunSilvestri presents Local Love, a summer evening fashion benefit showcasing an amazing all-local cast of emerging designers, musicians, and artists! Featured fashion designers include Sarahlou Designs, Rock Cherry Bomb, So She Sews, and Patina. Music will be provided by native Atlanta DJ, black Sunshine. Additional performances will feature members of the breakdancing group Burn Unit, accompanied by Atlanta-based TSD – all taking place at Kai Lin Art Gallery.

Atlanta’s own LeahAndMark.com will be setting up a Portrait Booth at Local Love and snapping portraits. Attendees can also enjoy complimentary beer from 5 Seasons Brewing.

Proceeds will benefit Hats for Hearts, a local cause for baby Eliavah born with a heart defect known as Tetralogy of Fallot.”

(from the Hats for Hearts website, by Annie Sun)

Eliavah Maribel Ogir, born to Aree and Karma Ogir is now 2 months old and has Tetralogy of Fallot, a combination of abnormalities of the heart that requires constant attention and open heart surgery.  As I was talking to Aree and listening to his stories of financial and emotional struggles, I knew I had to do something to help my fellow teacher. So after brainstorming ideas with other teachers, Hats for Hearts was started to raise awareness and funds for Eliavah’s surgery and medical bills. Our future goal is for families with the same heart disease to find comfort and support through our organization.

Me + Interns Claire, Mary & Vania photographed this event and you can see my shots from the portrait booth Here – and then you can check out Claire’s photos Here. Mary & Vania’s shots are coming soon on their own Intern Blogs.

Now that school is out and we have 10 interns helping our photography business grow, I’ve finally had a chance to breathe…and share with y’all my adoption reunion story.

I was adopted at birth – well, 2 weeks after, to be exact. I spent the first 2 weeks with a foster mom who called me Heather and gave a very detailed letter to my parents that included my eating, sleeping, and pooping habits and an astute observation of my personality – which, oddly enough, still holds true to this day: inquisitive, energetic, alert.

I grew up knowing I was adopted. My parents told me from a young age; they read the “Why Was I Adopted?” book to me over and over, and slowly I digested what that meant. When we adopted my little brother, I realized just how awesome adoption could be – especially on the receiving end. One day I didn’t have a brother, and then suddenly – I did. We went to pick him up at the lawyer’s office and they placed a little wrinkly baby in my arms that we would get to keep forever. I instinctively felt protective of him. I transformed from a lonely only to a big sister, virtually overnight. At the age of 7 (and a half!), I didn’t think about things like attachment, bonding, or even where my brother came from. All I cared about was that I had a little brother.

There was no question in my mind as to whether or not he was a part of our family. He was. He was meant to be my little brother. And thinking back, I would say our bond was instantaneous. They put him in my arms, he grabbed my finger, and I knew he was my brother. I’m not sure how it was for my parents, but I’d wager it was the same for them. Likely, it would’ve been different if he had come into our lives when he was older, but he was a cute, tiny newborn and he needed us. And we needed him. And this gave me a much deeper understanding of adoption than any book ever could.

Most days, I didn’t even think about being adopted. It was just a fact of my life. My family was my family, and adoption was just the method I got there. But as I got older, I started exploring my thoughts about adoption some more. Friends would ask me, “Do you ever think about your real parents?” which always confused me because my parents were my “real” parents. But it made me realize that our family was different from my friends’ families. Once, frustrated that my parents wanted me to watch my brother when I wanted to go over to a friend’s house, I shouted, “Why should I? He’s not my REAL brother.” Um, yeah. Not my proudest moment. Did I mean what I said? Heck, no! I truly never felt the he wasn’t my real brother. I was just trying to push buttons, to strike that nerve in my parents, thinking erroneously this would somehow let me get my way. I regretted saying it the moment it left my lips, even before I saw my mom’s face fall. Ouch. There are few worse feelings than wounding someone with angry words.

But as I moved into my moody and awkward middle school years, I did think more about where I came from and who might share my DNA. And then in high school, as I thought about being a mother myself one day, I wondered what it must have been like for my own young birthmother to give me away. I was sure that it must have been painful – I never felt that there was any nonchalance on her part about making the decision to place me for adoption. I intuitively felt that she must have cared about me. She took great care of herself when she was pregnant – I was a healthy, active baby. And still, in spite of knowing this, in spite of the sympathy I felt for her incredibly difficult decision, in spite of the gratitude I felt for having a loving, supportive family… there was that teeny, tiny part of me that felt abandoned.

Sure, all the adoption literature will say that’s normal. But rationally, it’s not. As emotional a creature as I am, I do have my rational side. And I get frustrated when my emotions don’t listen to my logic. I tried rationalizing that unwanted/abandoned feeling away for years. Not an easy thing to do when you are a shy and self-conscious teenager, feeling that no one in the world can possibly understand what it’s like to be you. “My parents don’t GET me. I’m ugly. I’m weird. I don’t fit in. School is stifling my spirit. No one takes me seriously.” For many high schoolers, those are some pretty common thoughts/feelings. But you don’t realize it at the time. And if you have these lingering feelings of abandonment, no matter how irrational they might be, those feelings make it easier to justify the untruth. Of course my birthmother didn’t want me, I’m an ugly, awkward freak! And now my parents are stuck with me cuz adoption is forever, but I sure bet they wish they could trade me in for a prettier, more popular/mainstream child.

Those aren’t very fun thoughts to carry around, are they?

Luckily for me, I also knew that I was, in fact, loved and cared about in spite of my feelings of freakishness. I had awesome and supportive friends who nurtured and encouraged my “weird” side (I’m not really THAT weird – I just felt that way). I had parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles who all showed their love for me and never did or said anything to make me feel I wasn’t a legitimate part of the family. So those thoughts stayed in the background. I didn’t walk around in a state of depressed self-loathing, not by a long shot. In fact, ask most people who knew me growing up and they’ll describe me much like I am today – cheerful, happy, overly enthusiastic, a tad bit eccentric. That’s me. I didn’t truly feel unwanted or unlovable – 99% of the time. But once in a while, when I was having a tough day or feeling particularly insecure, those thoughts would creep up to the forefront, and I’d have to spend a day alone… first crying and steeping in self-pity and unlovableness, then thinking about what my birthmom must have gone through when she was scared and pregnant and not able to keep me, and then I’d be able to rationalize those thoughts away and get my self-worth back.

I don’t have to do that anymore.

Now I know, without a single doubt, that my birthmother DID want me and love me. Yes, I know, DUH, Of Course she did. But there IS something different about hearing her say it, feeling the love she has for me, seeing her pride in how I’ve turned out. It’s that rational part of me – as great as it was for chasing those negative and untrue thoughts away, it would also play Devil’s Advocate on days when I felt especially insecure…. “But how do you KNOW she wanted you? What proof do you have?” And I didn’t have any tangible proof. I had no idea who my birthmother really was. Perhaps she did just give me up without a second thought. Perhaps there was something about me that made her unable to love me. Now, had that been the case, I would’ve gotten through it – because I do have a family who loves me.

Not everyone is so lucky. There are some pretty terrible parents out there. But I got good ones. And if I happened to find my birthmother, and she told me she didn’t want anything to do with me, that she never wanted me, that I wasn’t worthy of her time or affection…. yeah, that would’ve hurt… but I would have been ok, thanks to all the wonderful amazing friends and family who heap their love on me on a regular basis. And, even more than that, I would have KNOWN. For sure. One way or the other. No more questions. No more back-and-forth conversations in my head.

But I’m even more blessed than I imagined, and it turns out that she is thrilled to know me, that she has always thought about me, that she loves me fiercely, and that she has a whole family of folks who are excited to know me. I have a new sister! And brother! And grandparents and cousins! And so a new journey has begun, with new family to get to know, and even more love to be shared.

Of course, purging the feeling of abandonment wasn’t the only reason I wanted to find my birthmother – it wasn’t even the main reason. It was just an added benefit, really. In my adult years, those insecure thoughts haven’t really been cropping up. So I forgot about all the times in my teenage and college years I grappled with feeling unwanted or abandoned. What I did think more and more about was what my birthmother went through, and how that might have impacted her life. I thought about having kids of my own, and how, were I to give my kid up, I would always wonder about her and hope that she was happy and loved. And I wanted to let my birthmother know that I was OK. More than OK, I was fantastic. So I decided to reach out, to give her the chance to hear from me and – if she wanted – the chance to know me.

I met Debi for the first time in January. She lives 10 minutes down the street from me. We share physical features, hand gestures, interests, and a sense of adventure. It’s been awesome and surreal getting to know her, her children, her parents. Do I wish I hadn’t been adopted? No way. I wouldn’t trade my family in for the world. But I wouldn’t trade finding Debi and her family, either. I get the best of both worlds, the nature and the nurture. I can’t say that one is better than the other – they are different and wonderful in their own ways. I have two families that love me. And if you count Mark’s family, too, I actually have THREE families. And then my super close friends whose families I have been unofficially adopted in to…well…I actually have five families, then. There is no shortage of love in my life.

I had no idea what would come of the search and reunion process. It’s been SO much better than I ever expected – an overwhelmingly positive experience. I’ve made new friends through the Adoption Reunion support group – folks who genuinely know what it’s like to be adopted, to give up a child, to get a child. I’ve found new family members who have been so open and welcoming, eager to get to know me. I’ve been touched by the support, encouragement, and excitement of my friends and family as I dealt with the nervousness of searching, and of meeting Debi and her family for the first time. I graduated from grad school with both of my moms sitting in the audience, side by side.

Lucky, blessed, grateful… appreciated, wanted, loved… I am all of this and more. To everyone who has supported me along the way – thank you. Your love and enthusiasm means more than you know.