LeahAndMark.com

The closer and closer I get to being an Official Social Worker (May 2010!), license and membership card and all (hence the Official-ness), the more I think about how I’m going to actualize the important Social Work Values I believe in: social justice, economic justice, and healthy communities filled with empowered, connected people.  I believe we can have this kind of world.  But how do we get there?  And what do I want MY role to be in this?  What is my dream career?  I want to connect people with happiness.  All the truly happy people I have met are naturally inclined to live in ways that promote compassion, justice, balance, healthiness, and joy.

So, if the world has more happy people, that’s one big step towards my Ideal World.  And it sounds like a really fun job.  Because it starts with me being happy.  Which I am.  Sometimes I need to re-center and de-stress, but I’ve found over the past several years that it becomes quicker and easier to get happy… mostly because I recognize that I am the most authentic and true to myself when I am happy.  I am quicker to forgive, to laugh, to be present with others.  I don’t want to MAKE other people happy.  I want to create opportunities for fun, for joy, for dreaming big, for connecting… I want to support others in making and taking time for the things that make them happy… I want to encourage and celebrate with those that have found happier possibilities in the face of trying times.

People often tell me how happy/excited/enthusiastic I seem.  I’ve always joked that I have more serotonin that most.  Maybe that’s true, maybe it’s not.  I am definitely not happy all the time, and I was especially UNhappy a couple of years ago when I was working a job I really disliked and let it affect all aspects of my life and I was a bummer to be around.  So I know what it’s like to be bummed all the time, to feel like nothing’s working out, and to feel little motivation to DO anything or be with anyone.  It sucks, big time.  The color went out of my life.  And I was mad at myself, because I “knew better”  and I knew I needed to be more positive, but I just couldn’t seem to get there, to think those happy thoughts.  I don’t EVER want to be miserable like that again.  I made a semi-major life change and went back to school.  And that led to lots of other, smaller changes that further increased my happiness until I got back to my “normal” happy self.

I’ve posted about happiness before, so maybe some of this is redundant, but I still want to share.  Because I firmly believe it is so, so important to be happy.  It makes everything else in life so much better!  So here’s Leah’s How To Be Happy Guide.  Nothing revolutionary, all stuff you’ve heard before, I’m sure.  But it’s what works for me.  So I’m partially posting this as a reminder to myself.

1. Do things you like.  Pretty easy, huh?  Okay, so you’re broke.  Doing happy things doesn’t have to cost money!  Think simple. Too busy to have any time for yourself?  MAKE time.  Do you want to be happy or not?  Happiness isn’t gonna show up on your doorstep one day.  If you WANT to be happy, you have to rearrange your schedule a little bit.  Start with five minutes.  Heck, start with ONE minute.

2. Reframe, Reframe, Reframe. Cheesy self-help/psychotherapy advice.  But you know what?  It works!  I do this when waiting for the train starts to irk me.  When I start to think, “Ugh, this train always takes forever and what if I am late and I don’t have time to waste on waiting”  I catch myself and change it to, “Wow, I’ve had a really busy week and it’s nice to have some extra downtime just to be. I don’t have to do ANYTHING right now except breathe.”  And it makes the waiting seem like a nice respite period instead of a boring, unwanted waste of time.  (Okay, I know it’s cheesy. But it works for me.)

3. Spend time with happy people. In fact, spend MORE time with happy people than with negative people.  Which is not to say you should ignore/cut out of your life friends who are going through a sad/depressed/angry time.  But too much negativity is toxic. We all know people who refuse to focus on anything good.  Those are the kinds of folks to watch out for.  If you have a circle of cynical, down-on-everything friends, it’s probably time for some new mates.  Spending time with happy people who are doing things they love and who are passionate about something…anything!…is uplifting, inspiring, and good for the soul.  Happiness nourishes happiness.  Misery drains it.  Seek out the happy folks.

4. Feed your body, mind, and spirit. Eat amazing, yummy, nutritious food.  Soak up some sunshine and fresh air.  Keep your mind active by always learning something new.  Explore your beliefs, ask the age-old questions, find answers that resonate with you.  Have really long talks with Reiki masters, Zen masters, Pagan priestesses, Protestant pastors, Radical Rabbis, whatever calls out to you.  Get quiet.  Get loud.  Dance.  Live, laugh, love… and all that jazz.

5. Actively choose happiness. What does that mean?  Well, it’s a couple different things.  Obviously, if there are painful, upsetting things happening, don’t just say “Whatever!  I’m happy!  This doesn’t affect me!”  Always acknowledge your emotions honestly.  Feel them.  But recognize that you can ALSO feel happiness, and in the middle of terrible, hurtful times, you can still set aside some time to enjoy something happy.  Read a favorite poem.  Eat a favorite dish.  Hug your pets.  You probably won’t feel overwhelmingly joyful, but at least you are allowing yourself to enjoy something, to let some goodness into the bad.  Happiness can come in the form of comfort.  Comfort yourself regularly!

Choosing happiness also means choosing a schedule and/or lifestyle that allows you to experience happiness.  This means knowing your limits.  If you know you have to work for 40 hours a week, do errands/chores for 7 hours a week, and sleep for 56 hours a week, then figure out how many hours you have left and how many of those you can spend doing something that makes you happy.  And say no to everything that cuts into that time.  [This is very important - especially for you nurturers, people pleasers, and do-gooders out there.] You HAVE to make time for yourself and the things you genuinely want to do, no matter how trivial those things seem to others, or how many things you could be doing to help/please other people during that time. It’s okay to be happy instead of being helpful.  In fact, you’ll be a better helper/nurturer if you are happy first.  So make time for happiness and then make time for everything else.

6. Always be working toward a new goal. What makes you super happy today might not bring you the same amount of joy in a few months.  Boredom, redundancy, stagnation… those aren’t happy.  Keep your life exciting by always having a fun, fulfilling goal on the horizon.  A camping trip, a fancy meal, a party.  The planning itself is half the fun.  The goal can be as simple or as elaborate as you want, as long as you are committed to making it happen and both the planning and the actualization get you enthused and energized.  Bored people are depressing.  People with awesome plans are exciting.  Their enthusiasm is often contagious.  Be an exciting person.  Have a plan.  Have something that you are looking forward to.  Then make it happen and share it with others.  And start planning something new.

So, there’s my quick lil guide to being happy.  It’s worked for me, it’s worked for Mark.  Additions to the guide are welcome.  How do you get/stay happy?