LeahAndMark.com

Unedited.

After months and months of procrastination – I’ve finally sorted out my clothes in my closet and sorted out the piles of boxes that cluttered (blocked) most of our bedroom since we moved into this apartment back on July 1st…

I was actually going to write a contrived setup in this post about how I am so awesome that I cleaned up the closet and everything else around the house and how it really wasn’t such a big deal, and how in the end everything happened with a glossy our life is great and I feel a sense of accomplishment… but really, like everyone else, our life has its moments and the battle with the closet was a failed one. As I write this I haven’t cleaned it up yet. Leah’s consistently yelled at me for not having completed the job – especially since I technically don’t have a full time job to eat up all of my time like I used to have. So hopefully, I’ll have finished fighting the closet mess by the time she gets home today… Or else I’m going to die a horrible death.

I posted the video for Murder in the City by the Avett Brothers a few days ago. It’s been my song of the moment for over the past week, ever since I saw it posted on the Paste Magazine website. The song makes me think of my family and it makes me miss them a great deal. Although it may seem like it’s used for shock value, the lyric if I get murdered in the city is merely the device that allows him to start a conversation on how much he loves the members of his family – the idea that if he was hypothetically ‘murdered in the city’ – could be any replaced with any form of ‘when I’m gone, I just want you to know how much I love you.’

I can only think of Leah when he sings:

When I leave your arms
The things that I think of
No need to get over alarmed
I’m comin home

Not only has Leah loved me more than anyone I’ve ever been with, but I’ve also allowed myself to let go of many defensive notions or emotional walls and actually let her love me – it’s difficult. It’s difficult if not scary to think that anyone could possibly know everything about you – that they would really know you – and still love you as much as she loves me.

And while I wouldn’t describe my own relationship with my family as being the closest, when he sings:

A tear fell from my father’s eyes
I wondered what my dad would say
He said I love you
And I’m proud of you both, in so many different ways

Although my mother has generally been the driving force as far as our educational efforts and everything else we may have wanted to try – I know our father has always been very proud of the three of us – in so many different ways – and I see the love, the joy, and even a degree of pride that he takes in the many different things that the three of us have succeeded in, or even attempted – because if anything, the three of us aren’t afraid to try to do whatever it is we want.

Many of us would be very happy to learn that our children do not share the same fears which we have allowed to hold us back in life at any level – coupled with the knowledge that there are also some great characteristics that we’ve passed on to them – no matter if at times it may have seemed like we were failing, even if all we were doing is trying to do our best. 

Make sure my sister knows I loved her
Make sure my mother knows the same
Always remember, there is nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name
Always remember, there is nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name

Edited.