I Feel Like Walking the World
I seem to have gone a bit off the reservation here. I’ll get back to ‘normal’ photo sizes sometime. It’s just that the recent review of everything China + general upheaval at work = me wanting to escape. Except it’s more different (or just different) than it has ever been. I blame Leah.
Whereas just a few years ago (pre-Leah) I was more than content to never leave the U.S. - I didn’t even have a passport enabling me to leave. But now? Now the world has opened up. And while there is always that urge to just run off and go - to leave unprepared is… there’s just more that we have to do before we can really leave, finishing our next steps in school being the primary factor. More than wanting to be ex-pats wherever we go, we want to immerse in that society and help. So our goal isn’t to simply escape. It’s to go somewhere else and help things there. While it may come off as a bit messianic… it’s closer to following a deep interest - which I am still only beginning to internalize - Leah’s been at this game far longer than I have.
This was lunch at the edge of Tiger Leaping Gorge - after we had hiked 2 hours thru the 24 bends (a steep series of switchbacks) and eventually arrived at the next main guesthouse on the mountain side. I feel like… I feel like I have been reminded that people (bosses/work) are always going to be there and jobs are primarily not for us. While some of us are fortunate enough to be in a position where we live to work - the rest of us are stuck working to live. The switch many don’t make (or are unable to) is to get to that live to work point where they are doing what they truly want/purpose in life and all that. Not merely receiving a paycheck large enough that it enables us to… buy things that distract us with the illusion of satisfaction.
Lately I’ve been dwelling on things as they are (work) and when you have no other focus - inconsequential things and people start to weigh heavily - and I let this happen to me in the last month, as shown by my recent string of vague/emo/moody posts. My situation isn’t even that bad - not nearly worth mentioning when I put it in perspective. But without a clear view of the situation, and only being focused on the now - I really allowed everything not important to sideline me and push me back to those far too internal thoughts of panic, worry, and woe.
Today is Friday, August 1st, 2008.
we’ve all had those emo moments..where things seem so overwhelming..come out saturday for a drink @ lauren’s house so we can cheer you up! I am making cupcakes for the birthday girl.. hope to see you then.
Emo is the name of the game in the PHX these days. Everyone’s in transition, searching . . . Where am I? Who am I? Why am I? How am I? It must be a peculiar alignment of the stars . . .
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