LeahAndMark.com

Life is More Than You or Me, it’s Us.

Archive for July 15th, 2008

Desperately Reaching

Clearly there are many things beyond my control. If you know me, I’ve clearly spent most of the past decade trying to control the few things that I can control. Whittling down the stream of consciousness to a mere three focuses - work, school, and exercise. That was a few years ago and these days - they are still a focus but not nearly as all-consuming as they once were. More and more I’m having to catch up and read and learn and generally increase the rate of information cramming - and I’m not even talking about the subjects they teach at school. I don’t know how I feel about things. We’ve said it before - but this blog has helped to remind us of everyday and stopped the constant rush of life passing by without us noticing. So I remember more. I remember part of what I was thinking or doing last week, two weeks or three months ago.

And I know I take many photos, and Leah’s always telling me to put the camera away, and I don’t - but there’s so much life that we capture while we’re living it and it’s just… I know that at some point I’ll probably fall out of the habit of keeping up with the photos and the blogging so religiously - and I’ll wish that I hadn’t ever stopped. So while we’re on a roll, while I’m on a roll, there’s no stopping. I’m still dealing with trying to keep the separation between showing our lives, protecting privacy/things that could come back to haunt later - while sharing something more meaningful than a steady list of ‘I did this, and then I did this, oh, and then that…”

And while I’m rambling and trying to spit something out - I suppose the summary is always simple. My summary to all of those printed thoughts up there is that I feel more aware, alive, and hungry for everything. To learn, to make stuff, to keep going with direction and purpose and knowing that it’s a real fight, a slight struggle to not get overwhelmed by work, by other people, by the insides of my head - life in general. And whereas I once spent my days distracting myself waiting for the weekend, waiting for the next job, waiting for something else to come along and change things… nevermind.

What did I do during all of those years that I can’t remember?

It’s okay. I’ve got other things to do.

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