Desperately Reaching
Clearly there are many things beyond my control. If you know me, I’ve clearly spent most of the past decade trying to control the few things that I can control. Whittling down the stream of consciousness to a mere three focuses - work, school, and exercise. That was a few years ago and these days - they are still a focus but not nearly as all-consuming as they once were. More and more I’m having to catch up and read and learn and generally increase the rate of information cramming - and I’m not even talking about the subjects they teach at school. I don’t know how I feel about things. We’ve said it before - but this blog has helped to remind us of everyday and stopped the constant rush of life passing by without us noticing. So I remember more. I remember part of what I was thinking or doing last week, two weeks or three months ago.
And I know I take many photos, and Leah’s always telling me to put the camera away, and I don’t - but there’s so much life that we capture while we’re living it and it’s just… I know that at some point I’ll probably fall out of the habit of keeping up with the photos and the blogging so religiously - and I’ll wish that I hadn’t ever stopped. So while we’re on a roll, while I’m on a roll, there’s no stopping. I’m still dealing with trying to keep the separation between showing our lives, protecting privacy/things that could come back to haunt later - while sharing something more meaningful than a steady list of ‘I did this, and then I did this, oh, and then that…”
And while I’m rambling and trying to spit something out - I suppose the summary is always simple. My summary to all of those printed thoughts up there is that I feel more aware, alive, and hungry for everything. To learn, to make stuff, to keep going with direction and purpose and knowing that it’s a real fight, a slight struggle to not get overwhelmed by work, by other people, by the insides of my head - life in general. And whereas I once spent my days distracting myself waiting for the weekend, waiting for the next job, waiting for something else to come along and change things… nevermind.
What did I do during all of those years that I can’t remember?
It’s okay. I’ve got other things to do.
